


I love you to death

by Katiep15



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, F/M, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher and Mandy Milkovich are Best Friends, M/M, Mandy helps, Mexico, Mickey Milkovich Misses Ian Gallagher, Mickey POV, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-04 08:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12165423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiep15/pseuds/Katiep15
Summary: Mickey came back after two years in mexico to visit Mandy with his new boyfriend and he runs into Ian.  Can they get back together?





	1. His name is Stan

Mickey drove through the chilly Chicago afternoon in his black 1965 Ford mustang. He could feel the wind tossing his hair, then put it back when the car stopped as his dreams of the wind reminded him. He looked at the leaves and pined for each crunch as his tires ran them over. He missed how vibrant the orange and yellow colors of the leaves fall with each careful precision. But there was nothing he missed more than the copper hair and the emerald eyes.

Since he lived in Mexico for two years, he enjoyed the sweet salty smell of each wave coming onto the beach and feeling the dampness in the air that clamped onto his skin. He enjoyed the sand clinging to each toe as he curled them. But his new life meant nothing without him. Without Ian.

As he drove to the bittersweet southside of Chicago, he saw Frank Gallagher passed out under the L. Once upon a time ago, he used to beat up Frank with his brothers by his side. Now, Mickey will let him sleep and enjoy the torture of the demons plaquing his mind. The sweet beer he clung to was his only reverie he chose over the six children who needed him. One of them was a man Mickey cried into his pillow every night wondering why he didn’t want him.

But Mickey couldn’t think about that now. Mickey looked at the guy sitting next to him. Mickey was imagining Ian sitting next to him with that goofy grin he grew to love. The kid was finally happy and was giving Mickey the hope he didn’t think he needed. But that was many moons ago.

Now, the man sitting next to him did have red hair and freckles that illuminated each part of his flawless skin but his name was Stan. When Mickey first met him in a coffee shop a couple of blocks away from his house, Stan was a waiter with the most memorizing eyes Mickey has ever seen. Mickey couldn’t wait for the man to tour his house and see the success he wished Ian could see.

“This is where you grew up, Mick?” Stan said, snapping Mickey into reality. “The place wasn’t always this nice, but yes, I grew up here,” Mickey stated. Stan nodded.

“I can’t wait to meet your sister. She sounds like fun.”

Mickey smirked. “Me either. We have a conflicting relationship. I don’t think she would come back to Chicago, but she is.”

 

Two months after Mickey escaped to Mexico, Mickey got ahold of Mandy through a secret phone Terry stole a few years ago. Mickey wasn’t a fan of her escorting rich men, but he was happy she was away from Kenyatta. The moment Mickey heard her speak, her voice was like a familiar wine he hasn’t drank in years. He longed for his best friend and even invited her to Mexico. When she met a new man, Mickey instantly wanted to meet him and see if he was worthy of dating his sister. Mandy was even more excited to meet Stan. It seemed weird that Mandy wanted to meet Stan when Ian was her best friend, but Mickey wanted to show off Stan.

When they got to the alibi, Mickey parked across from it. Even though he noticed the same dingy southside was turning into yuppie-wonderland, he was still nervous about leaving his baby alone outside for the vultures to come get it. He stared at the alibi, the place he spent many years trying to drink himself into oblivion. He always enjoyed spending time in there, drinking beer or doing shots of Jim Bean, while having a conversation with the other men. Even if Mickey never wanted to talk, Kevin gave a look like he would listen when Mickey was ready and would never judge him when he did. For some reason, Kevin had the power to get Mickey to talk. Mickey always assumed it was the alcohol, but sometimes Mickey was sober when they would talk. Mickey missed talking to Kevin. Out of everybody in southside, Kevin was the only person Mickey would consider a friend.

Mickey stared at the dingy bar as memories poured out of the file he kept when he escaped to Mexico. He remembered the sidewalk to the bar when he used to drink so heavy, Kevin would walk home with him to make sure he gets home. The dingy faded red doorway was still the same faded red he remembered and he stared at the bricks with fascination which he thought they were placed in a weird angle.

As he was staring at the bar like a favorite book he couldn’t stop breathing, Stan was watching him. Mickey never mentioned this place before. Mickey rarely talks about his past. When blackout drunk, Stan has caught Mickey cuddling his pillow, calling a man named Ian out to him. Mickey has even confused Stan with Ian a couple of times when he was drunk. When Stan would confront Mickey with it, Mickey told him Ian was a dead boyfriend, but refused to explain what happened to him. Stan didn’t want to push the idea until he knew Mickey was ready, but his curiosity was taking over, and he decided to ask his sister what happened to Ian when they were alone.

“Did I ever tell you about this place?” Mickey asked.

“A couple of times. Once, you called the bartender Kevin.” Stan said as they both laugh.

“Did I ever tell you the day after I came out?”

“No, but you told me how you humped a cop car telling your homophobic father that you like fucking a man, especially up the ass.”

Mickey chuckled. “That was one of my finest moments, but did I ever tell you what happened the next day?”

“No.”

“I went in the alibi to get a drink and I was afraid of what everyone would do after I came out. After a guy named Tommy tried to bust my balls for being gay, everyone talked about how me being gay wasn’t shocking, though I tried to hide it from everyone. Then, Kevin poured me a beer and said no one cares who I bang. Though I had a lot of respect for the giant, I gained a lot more. He was the friend I needed.” Mickey looked at Stan. “You will love him. I know I do.”

 

Mickey got out of the car and shut the car door. Stan followed and stood next to Mickey. He held Mickey’s hand and gave a tiny squeeze. Mickey looked at Stan and smiled.

Though Stan was nothing like Ian, Stan has made Mickey comfortable and Mickey learned a lot in their relationship. He had to give Stan a lot of credit because Stan could deal with Mickey’s attitude and was still willing to be there.

“Ok, this lovey-dovey shit is starting to give me diabetes. Lets go in.” Mickey said.

 

With one more squeeze from Stan, Mickey let go of his hand and walked to the bar. He felt the crunch of glass under him. Even though the glass was probably a crack pipe or from a window of a store that got robbed, he thought of the glass as the walls Stan keeps tearing down. Even though Ian was the first to wriggle in by living Mickey’s pain, Stan has been reliving the pain and showing him, the pain doesn’t sting anymore. It was like Mickey learned to become numb and handle the problems he locked away.

When he walked in, he could feel the stickiness from the floor of cheap, stale beer. The atmosphere was stale cigarette smoke and mold. Mickey could still see the black mold growing in the corner of the bar. The mold wasn’t big enough for the health department to see it, but to the people who were regulars, the mold was like an attraction. Though there are a lot of new faces, of rich hipsters who find dingy bars something new and exciting, he could still see the usual’s who would finish work and come in to relax their troubles away. Mickey filled his lungs with the stale mold air and realize he was finally home.

He walked to his usual spot at the bar with Stan sitting next to him. The chair still had the spring that was trying to prude out of the seat and the legs of the chair was still wobbly as he put his weight on the chair. He can admit he has gained a little of weight as he was working on gaining muscles in Mexico, but he noticed the chair has been getting weaker in age.

“Mickey… Long time. And here I thought you would like prison with the buffet of men…”  Mickey knew that was Tommy. He looked at Tommy’s direction and laughed. “And you got back together with Ian…”

“What… No, his name is Stan,” Mickey said pointing at Stan.

“Why?”

“What the fuck you mean by ‘why’? I don’t know why his mother would name him that.”

“You know, I’m sitting right here…” Stan said.

 

Mickey put his hand over Stan’s.  He glared at Tommy who was confused. Mickey knew it wasn’t hard for Tommy to be confused but Mickey knew Stan looked nothing like Ian. Suddenly, he could feel something different in the mood. He could tell there were eyes glaring in his direction, even if he doesn’t see them. He knew who it was. Svetlana.

Mickey knew he was the last person she wanted to see. He always had a blind hate for her, when she never hurt him the way he hurt her. It was always easy to loathe the woman who he was forced to have sex with him, especially when she was banging Terry during her whole pregnancy and tried to have a relationship with him, but the reality was Svetlana was a scared little girl who was just trying to survive. Mickey never wanted to reach out to her, because he could never be a good father to Yevgeny. He had failed both Svetlana and Yevgeny that there was no point in trying to make amends to them. Mickey has reached out to Svetlana to help her with the bills, but Mickey made it would be bad to see Yevgeny. Mickey didn’t want to tell Stan Svetlana was still working there and Mickey has been giving money to Svetlana because he knew Stan would push Mickey to have a relationship with them.

But Svetlana had other plans.

The moment Svetlana saw Mickey, he knew she was determined to make her presents known. He tried to ignore her, but her eyes were burning a hole in his spine and he felt quadriplegic. He could feel the burn of her eyes getting hotter as she moved closer. He just hoped she would be too pissed to wanna talk.

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

“When did you get back in town?” She asked as she was tapping his shoulder.

“I just got here.” Mickey said.  “Don’t you work here? Shouldn’t you be making us drinks?”

“I only make drinks to people who give shit about me and Yevgeny.” She stated. “Of course, you would make sure you saw I love Lucy first.”

“His name is Stan, you Putin fucker. Now, where’s my beer?”

“You are disgusting.”

“Coming from the slut who took this bar away from Kev and V.”

“I did it to secure Yev’s future. You remember him?”

“Bitch, I give you a thousand dollars a month to make sure he has what he needs…”

“He needs you!” Svetlana almost shouted.

 

Mickey stared at her. He made the deal known that he doesn’t want to be in his son’s life, because he knew the kid could do better. She was the last person he wanted to see because she had a way to make his skin crawl. He gives her everything, but what she wants the most is the family life, and for some reason, she wants it with him. Mickey will never be the family man she wanted him to be, but she keeps thinking she can change that.

When Kevin came out, Svetlana went back to making the sticky tables less steaky.

Mickey took a deep breath and looked at Kevin. “Mickey… I knew your ass would be back. And you brought Ian with you…”

“His name is Stan," Mickey said with clenched fists.

“Are you sure? He looks a lot like Ian…”

“Oh my fucking god… No, they look nothing alike.”

“They both have red hair…”

“So…”

“So, it’s weird dating a guy that looks just like your ex…” “Stan looks nothing like Ian.”

“And their names rhythm.” “Stan and Ian don’t rhyme….”

“The fuck they don’t.”

“They don’t. Ian and Stan are too different people.”

 

Kevin eyed Stan up and down. Stan, who was weirded out by everyone, looked at Kevin with a suspicious look. He glanced at Mickey who was growing more and more annoyed by the whole conversation.

“Nope… Still looks like Ian.”

Mickey rolled his eyes and stood up. “Ok, whatever. Me and STAN will be going now.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you… NOT IAN.”

 

Mickey got up and turned to walk when his ghost stared at him. As Mickey was ready to leave, Ian came walking in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was suprised at myself when I wrote this story and how much I liked it. I named it "I love you to death" after a song by Type O Negative who helped influence this piece. I hope you like it


	2. the weak that fall, return to ash defeated after all

As Mickey was ready to leave, Ian came walking in.  The moment Mickey and Ian’s eyes connected, Mickey couldn’t move.  Flashbacks of the border was hitting Mickey like shards of glass.  He tried to pry his eyes of Ian’s stunned face, but the spell Ian embedded in his mind wouldn’t allow it.  The phantom of what they were was staring at Mickey in the face and a part of him wanted to reach out for him.

Mickey knew Stan had questions, but he wasn’t interested in talking about it.  He just wished Ian would be an invisible ghost, instead of being a ghost of his past.  The powers of Ian’s green eyes were trying to pull him into those puffy pink lips, but Mickey had to reach for Stan’s hand to steady himself.  He looked around the bar to find something to distract himself and noticed someone behind Ian who was looking at him in a questionable tone.

“Mickey?” Ian asked, almost in disbelief.

“Mickey?  As in Milkovich?  As in the asshole you went with to Mexico while you couldn’t text me for days?” The mousy bitch said.   Ian didn’t even take his eyes off Mickey and he saw it was pissing the little shit off more.  “While I was up worried that you were cheating on me to find out that’s exactly what you did?”

“Wow, Gallagher, your bitch have a pause button or something?” Mickey asked, rolling his eyes and could feel his anger bubbling.

“Excuse me?” Little mousy bitch said.  “My name is Trevor.”

“Did I give any indication that I give a shit?  You bitch more than a thirteen-year-old girl on her rag.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks, I have better taste,” Mickey said, clicking his tongue.

“Enough,” Ian almost shouted, ignoring the instant rage Trevor had as he continued to look into the cool blue eyes he always admired.  “Last time I saw you, you were in Mexico.  What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry, but how is that any of your business?  Shouldn’t you be licking old man assholes to dance for that dollar?  Or making a porno without a rubber while your bitch behind you stays up all night imaging how many men you slept with?”

 

Ian looked at the sticky floor.  Though Mickey knew he struck a nerve, he didn’t care.  The anger in him came out like a familiar shirt he clung to as a child.  Stan’s hand squeezed in Mickey’s and it steadied Mickey from losing his composure.  Mickey looked around the bar and saw everyone was staring at them.  He frowned and looked at Stan.  The pain in Stan’s eyes were a warning that they had to leave the bar and fast.   Mickey didn’t know how long he had until he punched Trevor and he didn’t want to know how long it would be. 

“How long are you in town?”  Ian asked, his gaze razoring into his soul.

“I’m sorry this isn’t me anymore.” Mickey said, letting his anger spill into his eyes and allowing them to push through him.

“Guess I deserved that,” Ian muttered.

“If I cared to entertain this, I would say yes.  But since my giving a shit was left at the gates of Mexico, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

Mickey clenched Stan’s hand as he walked out of the bar.  He could feel Ian’s gaze on him as he walked away.

When they got to the car, Mickey sat in the passenger side as Stan drove away.  Mickey saw the door to the Alibi open and he ducked before he saw who left.

“So, that was Ian.”

“I’m not going to entertain the idea of playing shocked that you know Ian.  But yes, that was him.”

“I see where people think we look alike…”

“You are nothing like that prick.  He is quick sand, no matter how hard you pull away, the harder he tries to pull you in.”

“He looked really happy to see you.  And I’m not just talking about the smirk he formed.”

“He doesn’t matter anymore.  I just needed him to get over being here.  He has fulfilled his purpose, so he’s not important anymore.”

“I don’t know, he looked at you like you were his savior.” Stan said with a quizzical line on his lips.

“That’s because he is worse than a leech.  He sports those puppy eyes to anyone he feels will care and when he is done forming a camp in your skin, he will dump you to find someone else.  That’s what he did to me.”

“He couldn’t take his eyes off you.  Even checked out your ass.  That other guy had the look that this wasn’t the first time he heard your name…”

“He ditched that little shit to drive to Mexico with me.  Everything was going well until we got to the borders and he’s whining like a little bitch that he couldn’t do this anymore.”

“I see.”

“What?”

“You still have feelings for him.”

“No, I don’t.” Mickey wipes his eyes.  “Can we not talk about the past and focus on us?”

“Your choice.”  Stan shrugged.

 

The ride was an uncomfortable silence as they drove to Mandy’s apartment.  The only time they spoke was when Mickey was giving Stan directions. Though the drive wasn’t long, Stan’s sideways glances were making the drive longer than his escape to Mexico.  Since Mandy wasn’t on the southside Mickey was used to, it was a little hard getting to Mandy.  Mickey could feel his breathing was uneven as he told Stan what to do and he was cursing in his head for the uncomfort that was camping in his mind. _Stop being a little bitch, what you two had was over._

When they finally got to the apartment, Mickey didn’t come out of the car right away.  He looked at the apartments, studying each flaw.  Mickey wasn’t used to a quiet neighborhood.  Normally, there would be cop cars flying down the street as he could hear multiple gunshots.  He could picture the ghost of junkies camping outside the apartment with a needle shoved in their arm.  Instead, the building had a fresh coat of baby blue and had a sea of fresh green grass.  He breathed in the unfamiliar scene and walked to her building. When he walked in the building, he was greeted with the sickening smell of febreeze apple cider scent.  He wanted to hold his nose as he walked to the main stairs, but he managed not to.

As he walked, he felt each creek from his shoe hitting each stair.  When he got to the second floor, he found Mandy’s door and stared at the peach colored door he wanted to puke on. He shook his head as he banged on the door.  He was waiting for the door to open with Mandy carrying a bat bigger than her to make sure she was safe.

Instead, she opened up the door not clenching to a worn baseball bat or a gun.  She opened the door with calm and was smiling.  Mickey was ready to scream at her for not having protection but remembered this wasn’t the southside anymore.  _This isn’t the southside anymore.  You can do this._

“Mickey,” Mandy almost shouted. 

 

Mickey gave an awkward smile as Mandy hugged him.  His body jolted when she reached for him, and he was too stunned to do anything.  Usually, she would give him a dirty glare that would see through his soul and walk away when Mickey came back to their house.  As she clenched to him, he smelt the cucumber body wash that was radiating from her skin and he hinted a smile.

“How are you, shithead?” Mandy almost squealed.

“I’m good, Mands.”

“Come in, come in.”

 

Mandy moved out of the doorway so Mickey and Stan could walk in.  Instead of seeing an dirty apartment with holes in the walls, he saw clean cream colored walls.  He expected to see clothes all over the floor like her room when they were growing up, but the maroon carpets weren’t caked with dirty clothes and the place smelled like a baking apple pie.

“So, you must be Stan,” Mandy said, looking at him as she closed the door.

“I am,” Stan said.

“Looks like Mickey does have a type,” Mandy whispered.

“What?” Stan said, trying to strain to listen.

“Never mind,” Mandy said, turning to look at Mickey.  “I noticed your manners haven’t changed, shit head.”

 

Mickey gave Mandy the middle finger as he stared at a familiar picture.  In this photo, Ian and Mandy were sitting on the moist Gallagher steps.  Ian had his arm around Mandy and they were sticking their tongues out.  Mickey smiled as he remembered taking the photo.  _They will always be my rainbow, but that was the past._

“Stan, would you like something to drink?” Mandy asked, pretending she had manners.

“Water, please,” Stan said.

 

Mandy nodded as she walked to the kitchen.  He could see her fist clench and knew that Stan would never win in Mandy’s eyes.  _Stan wasn’t Ian._

When Mandy came back, she had two beers in one hand and a bottled water for Stan.  Stan nodded a thank you as Mandy handed him the drink.  Mandy handed Mickey the beer and he almost scarfed it down like it was water.

When he was done, he let out a belch Mexico could hear.  Stan chuckled and shook his head while Mandy made a disgusting face.  Mickey laughed when he saw Mandy’s face.

“Nice to see you haven’t changed,” Mandy said.

“You expected me to change,” Mickey said.

“Shut up.  Now, sit,” She said, as she took a seat on her couch.   Mickey and Stan sat next to eachother across from Mandy.  Mickey noticed Mandy made a disapproving face as she saw Stan hold Mickey’s hand.  “So, how did you two meet?”

“Mexico,” Stan said.  “My family owns a vacation house down there so I went down to enjoy the beaches.  I ran into Mickey down there and we had an amazing time.  You remember?”

“Who could forget,” Mickey asked.  “Three days of me showing my…”

“Gross,” Mandy said.  “No one cares.  How long are you two staying?”

“A few weeks,” Stan said.  “We’re visiting family here.”

“You have family here in Chicago?”

“They’re not here.  They are currently in Alaska.  They’re meeting us here when they done their vacation up there.”

“Your family vacations in Alaska?”

“They like to watch the leaves change colors around Niagara Falls.”

“But I thought Niagara Falls was in New York?”

“It’s between New York and Canada.”

“But I thought Alaska was on the other side of Niagara falls?”

“It is, but my family loves to travel.”

“Must be nice,” Mandy mumbled.

“Mandy, can you tell me where the bathroom is?”

“Down the hall to the left.”

 

Stan nodded as he got up to go.  As Stan stood up, he kissed Mickey on the hand they had entwined.  Mandy took a deep breath to suppress what she was feeling.  Stan got up and walked down the hall.  Mickey watched Mandy watch him walk down the hall and made sure the lingering footsteps weren’t echoing the hallways.

When they stopped, Mandy looked at Mickey.

“You need to break up with him,” Mandy whispered.

“Tell me how you really feel, Mands”

“What part of that was unclear?”

“Like why I should?  He’s a great guy.”

“Oh, come on.  You have robbed from guys like him back in the day.  He thinks he’s better than everyone.”

“He never said that.  He is an amazing guy.  Even more in bed.”

“Gross,” Mandy said, making a face.  “There’s too much comfort in this relationship.”

“So?”

“But you hate comfort.  You will get bored. You like crazy.  Trust me.”

“Fuck off with that shit.  Mexico reminded me that maybe I am better off being comfortable than to keep dealing with the constant crazy.  I went to Mexico to escape the crazy of the Southside.  I am a changed person.”

“Not for long,” Mandy said.  “You will get bored.  Trust me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me a long time to write this but here you go. I have been extremely critical of this piece so I was having a hard time with this chapter. I'm not sure when the next chapter will come up because I feel a little unsatisfied with this one. but I hope you like this one.
> 
> The songs that inspired me "The dark of you" by Breaking Benjamin, and "In the end" by Cinematic Cover (feat. Jung Youth & Fleurie


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